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Beauty

Things of beauty in this ugly world

Beauty May 22, 2017

(Un)Happy World Goth Day!

Today is World Goth Day, so to celebrate here’s a gallery of Goth women from around the world. I think these are all incredibly beautiful, and I hope you too will weep tears of joy and heartache as you behold their pulchritudinousness.

Beauty February 9, 2016

Virtuoso

When I’m looking to have my brain overloaded with visual stimuluseses, I’ll pop over to Pinterest and check out how to create cateye Goth makeup or gluten-free German chocolate upside down cake. It’s really kind of hard to beat Pinterest for, well, pictures of stuff, and I don’t know about you but I’m a total sucker for stuff in pictures.

Beauty August 31, 2015

Voodoo Dolly

Now this little voodoo dolly,
Has made you very lazy.
And you’re anemic from her sucking,
And when your dead she’ll find another…

Beauty, On The Cover July 1, 2015

On the Cover

July 2015 Cover Image - American Slander

Salleh Sparrow

Our current cover image image is the gorgeous British model Salleh Sparrow, shot by Ryo Love, who did the makeup as well. The amazing headpiece was created by Liv Free. The corset Salleh is wearing is by Orchid Corsetry.

Thanks very much to Salleh, Ryo, Liv and Orchid Corsetry for their amazing work. We’re thrilled to be able to share it on the cover of American Slander.

Beauty April 25, 2015

Why Are We So Afraid to be Real?

A million diet plans and still we have runaway obesity. I spent most of my life chasing that perfect size six, an unattainable goal for a woman who enjoys food as much as I do. I have clothes in my closet ranging from size six to size sixteen because the part of me that still dreams thinks I might see size six again. Finally I decided to put into use a comprehensive weight loss program with a five pronged attack. These are the chronicles of a desperate woman clinging to her last hope.

The Soup Diet American Slander

1. The Cabbage Soup Diet: I read about this eating plan and decided to give it a try. I don’t much like cabbage or soup so the outcome was pretty much pre-ordained. What I didn’t count on was while I was no thinner the people who usually congregate around me were getting scarcer, something about a side effect connected with odors. If you try this diet please consider those around you and for God’s sake don’t do it if you have small pets who like to sleep under the covers. I still think my terrier Dolittle could have lived a few years longer if he hadn’t received brain damage from lack of oxygen.

The Sex Diet American Slander

2. The Sex Diet: I probably should have tried this diet years ago when my husband and I could stand to see each other naked. Finally I decided that watching other people having sex might have the same results. I watched Cinemax late night and found myself wondering why those women had breasts that never laid flat no matter what position they got in, I finally got bored and went to sleep. The next day I watched horses having sex on YouTube and while I didn’t lose any weight I was impressed.

The Flu Diet American Slander 1

3. The Flu Diet: This one is simple and easy to stick to. After hanging around an urgent care center for a few days and refusing a flu shot I was all set. I remember congratulating myself while sitting on the toilet throwing up in a wastebasket, oh hell yeah, this was going to work. This did not work. When the flu finally abated I managed to eat everything in my house including an M &M I found under my couch cushion. When the whole thing was done I gained all the weight back plus five pounds.

Anger Diet American Slander

4. The Anger Diet: This diet consists of someone and by that I mean someone who I am married to making a comment like, “When your ass gets wider than that sixty inch flat screen either we need a bigger TV or you need a smaller ass.” When I replied, “Fine, I just won’t eat again.” and he replied that once I skipped lunch and nearly fainted I knew we were in for a hard ride. He further stated that my refusing food was rarer than a verified Bigfoot sighting and then to put it mildly, “It was on.” Believe me there was no danger of us making up and utilizing the Sex Diet. After five days of dry, baked, chicken and brown rice my husband begged forgiveness. We solved the problem by getting a seventy inch TV so my ass has room to grow.

Fitness Diet American Slander

5. The move more and eat less diet: This one made the least sense of all. What the hell kind of sadistic bastards would think up such a far-fetched and punitive diet? I tried, God knows I tried, for an entire week I gave it my all. I decided that joining a gym would help so I went got a membership at one near my neighborhood. The manager told me that in order to be successful I actually had to show up at the gym; just buying a membership wasn’t enough. What kind of nonsensical bullshit is this? I asked a similarly handicapped friend and we went together. I was beginning to feel some looseness to my jeans and then the unthinkable happened. Some dirty son of a bitch opened a bakery next to the fitness club. I gained the weight back and lost my gym membership; my friend gained the weight back and lost a husband. I still think she came out better than me some days.

So there you have it, I am a failure at being my best me. Along the way something kind of nice happened, a little morsel of cuteness started calling me grandma. I learned that baking cookies with that little girl was more fun than a day at the gym any time. I learned that after forty years together my husband loves me no matter what. I learned that at the age of 59 that modeling career is not going to happen but most of all I learned that I like myself no matter what size I am. If you come to my house you’ll see a woman who could stand to lose a few and if you pretend not to notice I’ll make you a cup of coffee and feed you some homemade cookies.

Black line American Slander

Jane Franklin’s new book “White Trash Odyssey” is available now on Amazon.

White trash odyssey

Beauty, On The Cover April 25, 2015

On the Cover

Late Spring 2015 Cover Shot American Slander 2

Polly Anther shot by Idollphamine

Our current cover shot is breathtaking alternative/pin-up model and burlesque artist Polly Anther, shot by the hugely creative and innovative Idollphamine Photography. Working out of Leeds in the UK and Los Angeles in the US, Idollphamine produces amazing, intense, brilliant images of fashion and alternative fashion, a well as live events and products. Their work is quite simply stunning, the staff of American Slander has been absolutely blown away by level of artistry in the photographs.

Idollphamine has shot for an incredible list of clients, including Cathouse Clothing, Mico Couture latex, Westward Bound, Serinde Corsettes, Alter Native footwear, Cyberdog, Sophie Adamson Designs, Twilight Siren, Maja Stina Latex, BlackSails Clothing, Inner Sanctum, Hawk Eyes, Black Isles, Ultimate Fitness, Twisted Edge, Iniquity Magazine, NME, Guardian Newspaper and many more…

We at American Slander are absolutely thrilled to feature an Idollphamine photograph on our cover, and are extremely grateful to Idollphamine for allowing us that distinct honor.

See more of Idollphamine’s breathtaking work here.

Beauty April 16, 2015

Captain Peacock, Are You Free?

Troubling news from across the pond, peacocks in an English village have lately taken to vandalizing cars. The hooligan birds, that live near Exeter in the southwest of England, have been pecking and scratching up the paint on cars parked in the area, because being peacocks they’re totally punk rock. The peacocks seem to think the cars are other birds, probably fans of a rival football club, and are giving the cars a healthy dose of the old ultraviolence.

Local village folk are extremely cross, and plan to write a sternly-worded letter to their council officials about the peacock menace.

In tomorrow’s news, Satan-worshiping budgies terrorize a hotel in the seaside town of Torquay.

Captain Peacock American Slander

Know your enemy.