While perusing Facebook the other day I happened upon some interesting articles. I could write about a group of women who have been giving away food and pound cakes to the needy but instead I picked a topic that seems really interesting. A man in Florida was arrested for raping an alligator. I later found out this story is probably a hoax. I was ready to believe it as most men will indeed fuck anything that moves. The man’s name was reported to be Rupert Darwin which made me pee a little at the comic ramifications of his last name. A witness claimed the alligator appeared to be unmoved by the assault and after seeing Darwin’s picture I think the alligator simply thought itself away to its safe place. Even alligators have standards. If this story is a hoax I hope some genius reads it and tries to duplicate the event, I’m pretty sure a real alligator will not just lay back and enjoy it.
A tale of forbidden love
This story brought to mind a case that happened locally a few years ago when a man and his wife were having sex with their two dogs and putting it on YouTube. Someone who didn’t share their love of animals reported them and they were arrested. I was both repelled and disappointed. Repelled that their sex life had become so boring they had to include their pets to liven things up, disappointed because their YouTube had been taken down. I’m not into that shit but curiosity makes me wonder about the logistics involved to make the whole thing work. The dogs and the couple’s three cats were taken to a shelter. I thought it would be funny to have that pet psychic lady interview the dogs who claimed to be innocent of all charges but did tell her she was a nice looking lady and was she married. The cats refused to be interviewed but released a statement saying they were out-of-town when the shit happened. Cats are notoriously bad at accepting consequences. I know because I have four cats.
Arrested for screwing the pooch
A man in Indiana was arrested for having sex with his pet Peacock. This is wrong on so many levels especially comments like the Peacock was asking for it. Peacocks cannot help it they’re beautiful and have that whole tail feather spread going on. Alas the Peacock died from the assault so the man was arrested for animal cruelty. It was about this time that I realized the human race richly deserves to be annihilated in a nuclear war but Obama made that deal with Iran so we could curtail their nuclear activities, thanks Obama. As a person living in the rural south I have heard stories about cows, sheep, and occasional chickens. I will venture to say if you live on a chicken farm and you cook a chicken that has a huge butthole you are complicit in the crime.
Totally asking to be raped
Finally I read about the case of one Brittany Sonnier of Louisiana who showed her boyfriend a picture of her having sex with her dog. I found that to be an odd choice, I like to show pics of my grandchildren not having sex with animals. The boyfriend was very disturbed, something I’m going to go with cause I’d be pretty upset too. He discussed the situation with his girlfriend’s father hoping the man would seek help for his daughter. The dad told him the girl had been having sex with dogs since she was thirteen years old. The father is also suing for custody of her minor son, sweet baby Jesus I hope the kid doesn’t have floppy ears, as a grandparent you can only take so much.
Jane Franklin’s new book “White Trash Odyssey” is available now on Amazon.