OK so there’s this thing you can bet on every New Year’s Day in Vegas (and pretty much anywhere truth to told) called the “Dead Pool.”

Yes, that annoying as fuck comic book movie guy’s name is a reference to something else. Go figure.

Dead Pool 2017 - American Slander

Happy New Year, now let’s get to dying shall we?

Anyway, a dead pool is when you bet on who you think is going to die over the next year. But of course here’s the catch. You get points based on who you guess correctly, but if they’re like 98 fucking years old you get less points than if you guess someone totally out of the blue like a teenage pop star or a kid from a Disney movie. So your best bet is to go with some obvious choices like Kirk Douglas or Queen Elizabeth, and some not so obvious choices like Drake or that red-haired Harry Potter kid. But here on Facebook it’s just for fun and we’ll just wing it as far as the point systems and whatnot goes, which is nice since at least we can be sure that nobody is coming to break our legs if the list is an epic fail.

Before I make my 20 guesses, I feel I must make this perfectly clear. I am NOT wishing death upon these people. In most cases I do not want them ever to die. And my putting them on this list is NOT going to make them die. Trust me, I’m not that lucky when it comes to gambling. So don’t start in about how much this sucks, because trust me, I’m didn’t invent this shit, I’m just another playa so hate the game.

Please feel free to add your own guesses and in one year, If I’m still alive, we’ll go over the list again and see how we did.

1. Kirk Douglas (if that fucker doesn’t die this year I don’t know what to tell you)

2. Jack Black (his career needs a shot in the arm)

3. Olivia de Havilland (I absolutely adore her, but…)

4. Glen Campbell (feeling really good about this one)

5. Val Kilmer (he don’t look right to me)

6. John Hurt (another one that breaks my heart)

7. David Hasselhoff (don’t hassle the Hoff)

8. Bob Downey, Jr. (he’s been on borrowed time for a while)

9. Demi Lovato (I hear she’s a major cokehead)

10. Zac Efron (see Demi Lovato)

11. Matthew Perry (is he dead already? He might be dead I don’t know)

12. Mischa “5150” Barton (she might survive, hard to say)

13. Billy Graham (honestly I’d be happy to help him along)

14. Bob Barker (also might be dead, should probably Google him)

15. Valerie Harper (I grew up with Rhoda as a beloved member of my family so this hurts)

16. Stan Lee (fuck Stan Lee)

17. Chevy Chase (enough already)

18. Queen Elizabeth (I’m sorry I don’t mean to offend my many British friends, I just think her days are numbered)

19. One of the Wilson sisters (take your pick)

and finally at number 20. Justin Beiber (of course)

So that’s my list, please note that I left at least one name conspicuously off my list out of respect for my Facebook friends, many of whom I know to be his friend or at least to have positive feeling about him. That’s not some sort of weird boast or my attempt to be mysterious, I’m just sayin’…

Have at it boys and ghouls!